Cheap gift idea: beginner anime binge list
The holidays are here! If you’re finding yourself scrambling to get those last-minute gifts and you’re strapped for cash, I may have a solution for you. Well, only if you’re looking for an inexpensive gift for a pretty specific person: your anime-curious friend. ? You know who I’m talking about. That friend. They’ve heard all the hype and may be interested in giving anime a try. The one who has possibly asked, “What are the essential anime series to watch?” Perhaps they don’t know where to start, which is super valid. Enter: the beginner anime gift—the Super Amazing Anime Binge List in a jar! Similar to the ever-popular “date night” jars, anime beginners simply choose which series to watch by drawing one lucky slip of paper from a jar (or your receptacle of choice). In this way, the choice is out of their hands and all they have to do is watch! If you’re an anime lover like me, and you’ve had conversations with friends who are anime beginners, I know it’s sometimes really hard to recommend what to watch next. Don’t get me wrong! There are TONS of series to recommend, it’s just so hard to pick ONE. That’s why I created this free printable list featuring many really great anime series for beginners. Get the List How to Prepare the Beginner Anime Gift Print the list and the included jar label. Cut the list along the dotted lines to create the slips of paper that will be drawn from the jar. Crumple up those slips of paper and dump them in a jar, a box, or another container of your choice. Feel free to add more shows to the list! Type up or write down some of your favorites and stick them in the jar too. Slap the premade jar label onto the container. Better yet, make your own custom design to make the gift extra special! Canva is one of my favorite design tools; it’s free and very easy to use. After you give the gift, lay down a few ground rules: If you draw it, you MUST watch it. The majority of the series I picked for this checklist have a moderate amount of episodes. That said, I did include Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden because I truly believe any anime lover has to see it at least once in their lifetime. Side note: I didn’t include One Piece because I didn’t want to scare your friends away from anime. ? Include it if you must, and godspeed to your friend. Yes, you can skip the filler. Speaking of long series, you can totally show them sites like Anime Filler List when they do happen to draw a longer show. As we seasoned anime lovers know, shows like Naruto are notorious for their filler episodes. As much as I love the #1 most unpredictable ninja, I did NOT watch all 700 episodes. ? I thank Anime Filler List for that. ♥ Sub or dub? I’m in the “both” camp, sorry people. On one hand, I really love the Japanese language and personally think that the original Japanese dubs are usually better. There are some really awful English dubs, but there are also some fantastic ones. Make your recommendations to them and leave the choice up to them. You can always watch both. ? As far as where to watch anime, you can use sites like JustWatch to search for each show. It’ll tell you which streaming services carry it and how many seasons they have available. Not every platform carries all the episodes of one show, so just double-check your service once you pick your favorite. And that’s really all there is to it! You can have so much fun with this beginner anime gift idea. Watch the anime your friend pulls from the jar together! My kid sister lives 1,000 miles away, so we video call each other so we can watch new episodes of our favorite anime together. Any anime fan knows that seeing a beginner’s reactions to iconic anime moments is half the fun. Let me know what you think about this super simple beginner anime gift idea! Which anime series should definitely be added to the list? (I am just now painfully aware that I left Sailor Moon off the list…) What about anime movies? Leave your favorites in the comments! P.S. I included ATLA and The Legend of Korra because they definitely deserve a watch even if they aren’t anime.
Little Big Ways to Love Your Pets
Happy National Pet Day! Family pets are an integral part of American culture and you know it. Maybe it’s because I’ve always romanticized the notion of the family dog (thanks, Lady & The Tramp), but the love I have for my dogs and cats is completely unconditional. It’s also endearing to see old high school friends gushing over their pets on social media, treating them like they would a human child. We take solace in the bonds we create with our furry companions. There are likely times where you feel that you could be doing a better job of taking care of your pet, but they’re not exactly picky. There are several little ways to show your cat or dog just how much you love them in a very big way. Pay attention to what’s in their food Humans are creatures of convenience—we can just throw a giant bag of budget-friendly pet food in the shopping cart with the rest of our groceries. But pet foods that are carried in grocery stores and supermarkets are often not the best option. Although the amounts may be minuscule, many popular brands may contain “natural preservatives” like arsenic, which can become harmful over time. Resources like PawDiet and Dog Food Advisor can help you pick the right food for your pet. Just like you should make conscious decisions about what you eat, it’s important to keep your pet’s unique needs in mind, like age, breed, and weight. The wrong food can have a negative impact on your pet’s health later in life. For instance, our vet advised us to limit our pug Minnie’s protein intake to lessen the possibility of kidney and liver failure. Invest in quality supplies So you bought a puppy/kitten. And the adoption fee was the only big expense you have to take care of, right? Absolutely not. Don’t let those big adorable eyes distract you from the fact that bringing a pet into your life is EXPENSIVE. Make a checklist of what you need for the new pet before bringing them home, as well as what you might need for them as they get older. Thanks to the internet, there are a vast number of resources available for you to read up on the best pet supplies. It can be tempting to opt for a more budget-conscious solution, but from experience, cheap price usually means cheap quality. Make reasonably sound decisions on things like beds, food, and medication. When it comes to toys, you should also consider whether the toy is tough enough for your pet. Soft plush toys tend to be inexpensive, but if you have to keep replacing them because of your chew-happy German Shepherd, you might as well just hand her the money to rip apart. The same goes for cats—providing them with cat furniture that they are allowed to scratch saves the rest of the furniture in your home. Keep up with their health I hate thinking about this, but our pets won’t live forever, as much as we really want them to. As doctors are to us humans, veterinarians are to our animals. Since pets age at a more rapid rate than us, being proactive about their health makes a big difference. Vet care should be a critical section in your budget when you have a pet. Much like our own human medical expenses, vet bills can add up very quickly. Consider choosing a veterinarian office that offers a wellness plan, which is sort of like a membership. For a monthly fee, your pet has access to benefits like free office visits, comprehensive exams, and dental cleanings. Many regular insurance companies like Progressive even offer pet insurance, which can help cover the cost of major veterinarian expenses. Pearly whites, shiny coats & trimmed nails Good dental hygiene can drastically improve the quality of life for your pet. It’s estimated that 80% of dogs develop periodontal disease—inflammation of the gums—by three years of age. Left untreated, dental issues can lead to more serious infections and heart damage. A pet who’s healthy on the inside will show it on the outside with its coat. Diet will play a big part in this, but don’t forget to bathe them (yes, even cats). You have your favorite shampoo, so find one that works best for your pet. Minnie has a few allergies and her skin gets very itchy and irritated, so we use fragrance-free, soothing shampoos. Your vet will likely dig this into your brain: trim your dog’s nails often. If nails get too long, walking on hard surfaces can actually become painful. They could also damage their skin or eyes when they scratch an itch. Avoid breeders I know, I know, English bulldogs are SO cute with their infinite rolls and precious underbite and heavy breathing. I wanted one all my life, but with a $2000 price tag it remained a dream. Plus, the rolls and underbite and trouble breathing create health complications for brachycephalic breeds like bulldogs, boxers, and pugs. You should also consider what breeds would best fit in with your lifestyle. Once you’ve identified a few compatible breeds, pay a visit to your local animal shelter or rescue organization. If you’ve got your heart set on a specific breed, try searching for a rescue operation that specializes in that breed. When you rescue a dog or cat from a shelter, you will typically save more money than if you bought from a breeder. In our case, Minnie cost $425 with only one round of shots and was not spayed. For $125, Molly came home fixed with a basic suite of vaccinations and free heart worm treatment. Adopted animals will usually go home with basic vaccinations, and many shelters will not allow animals to be adopted without being spayed or neutered first. Rescuing a dog or cat is arguably the best way you can love them. Pet overpopulation in America, and around the world for that matter, is a crucial issue that can only be solved if we spay and neuter our animals. We
Before and after my first diagnostic laparoscopy
Before 1/7/19: It’s the night before my first diagnostic laparoscopy aka my first EVER surgery, so let me just get this out of the way… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!1! Okay. Now that that’s out of my system… Who am I kidding? With less than 24 hours until my surgery, I know for sure I will break down crying at the hospital. I can take pain pretty well. I’m not worried about pain. This will be my first experience with anesthesia and that’s what I’m worried about. My rational side says I won’t even remember it, but my anxiety has had me on constant alert since I made the appointment last month. So my high pain tolerance is part of why I’m getting the surgery in the first place. I’ve been living with a 5cm paratubal cyst outside my right ovary in my Fallopian tube since 2014 or 2015, I can’t quite remember. It’s also the same side I had my ectopic pregnancy on, so when the doctors are in there, they’ll be able to see what’s really going on in there. The fact of the matter is that unless someone cuts you open to examine your uterus, you can’t really tell what’s going on in there. It’s the only way that conditions like endometriosis can be diagnosed and effectively treated. I don’t know what kind of state they will find my right tube to be in. There could be scar tissue remaining from the pregnancy, they might even say that it’s useless and take it out. I don’t know. But I do know I’m ready for this pain to be gone. Ever since high school, I’ve had problems with cysts. They’d go away after a while, but this particular one in my tube didn’t. I was pretty scared and confused when they told me it was in my tube because 1) Ow? 2) Why is it growing there and not somewhere else? 3) Could it be more than just a cyst? The good news is that it’s probably not, and it’s just filled with clear fluid like an ovarian cyst. I’m ready to get rid of it because the pressure has been getting to be a bit much this past year. It didn’t used to bother me like this at the beginning—I could only feel it if I squatted down very deeply. Now, I can’t really twist my torso as far as I used to, still can’t squat too deep, can’t do any lower abdominal exercises, and in the middle of my cycle (when I may/may not be ovulating) it gets really bad. It feels like pressure, and once it got so bad that I started crying in the middle of my shift when I worked in Tomorrowland. My cyst made me CRY while I was working at Disney World, the most MAGICAL place on Earth. So yes, I am glad to see it go. I’m hoping for less or no pain or pressure, and maybe even some answers to explain away my unexplained infertility. After 1/10/19: It’s been two days since my surgery. I feel really hazy still from a combination of the little bit of anesthesia still wearing off and pain meds side effects. It hurts to bend over, I’m waddling everywhere very slowly, I’ve cried multiple times because I’m not able to do things for myself. I think the worst is not being able to sleep on my stomach 🙁 One thing I didn’t expect to hurt so much is my throat. It’s very irritated from the tube they stuck in there to help me breathe during surgery. Or to inflate me with gas to help them see. Not sure which, but I hate the feeling in my throat so much. Also, I was really nervous to go under, but it was waking up after the surgery that ended up being scary. Every now and then I’ll have sleep paralysis episodes, but I used to have them very frequently when I was younger. It makes sense that waking up felt like a sleep paralysis episode, but it was even scarier because it was actually happening in real life. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t really see—it felt like no matter how wide I opened my eyes, everything stayed blurry. After a few moments, I was finally able to move my head side to side, but then nothing came out when I tried to make a noise. I tried as hard as I could to make a loud noise but only tiny peeps came out. I probably sounded like an injured puppy. Only when I wiggled my toes and tried to move my legs did I realize that I’d already had the procedure done. If you’ve never had sleep paralysis or don’t know what it is, it’s like waking up from surgery. It sucked. 1/22/19: It’s now been two weeks since the surgery and I feel completely back to normal. I’m taking both dogs out now, I can bend over, haven’t been taking pain meds for a week, I can lift things, and I’m sleeping much better. My incision areas are no longer tender and my doctor says they healed perfectly. I had my post-op appointment today, where my doctor explained everything they saw and what they did. The cyst was thankfully benign, and it was almost as big as my uterus (WHAT?). The reason for my pain was because it was twisting and my tube wrapped around it. I thought back to the time the pain was so bad I cried while working onstage at Disney. No freaking wonder. The combination of it being twisted and the scarring from my pregnancy led them to remove part of my tube that was connected to my ovary. Only one of my tubes is functioning now, which means it might take longer to get pregnant. I was extremely disappointed when my doctor told me he was going to remove it before the surgery. And then at my appointment today, he said that the cyst was likely obstructing that tube
The Blessed Mother saved my life
When I was just a month old, I was baptized into the Catholic church. I continued to receive the Holy Sacraments until high school, when I gave confirmation of my faith at 16 years old. Afterwards? Well, I started dating an atheiest. Of course, I didn’t (and still don’t) care about his beliefs or lack thereof because I love him for who he is. And so naturally, now I’m married to him. Living apart from my Sunday Mass-going family after high school saw the decline in my trips to church. If I was visiting my parents, I still went out of respect for their wishes, but I groaned because nobody should be up that early on the weekend 🙂 And since I wasn’t constantly being talked to about how I should fear God and put Him above all else, I began to doubt my faith. The Catholic Church is infamous for its pro-life stance, and I strongly believe in bodily autonomy. I could go on and on, but just know that there are many disagreements between the church and I. But no matter how long my back is turned, something always seems to pull me back. And after I suffered the loss of my pregnancy in 2016, I learned that it’s because someone is watching over me. Back in January 2016, I had a dream. I was walking through a gloomy cemetery, a blanket of gray clouds covering the entire sky. There were cracked and broken gravestones strewn all through the grounds. It reminded me of the famous cemetery in New Orleans. I was looking for something, but I wasn’t sure what. I finally came across a large statue of Mary holding baby Jesus, similar to the one above. It was the only thing around that was not destroyed. Then, a tiny white light emerged from the statue and hovered in front of my face. It was very small, about the size of the tip of a needle, but it was bright enough that I could discern it among the dingy setting. It traveled down from in front of my face to my sternum, and it passed through into my heart. I felt nothing until it shot up out of my mouth, and I let out a very heavy, loud gasp. As I did so, my head shot up to look at the sky, and my arms were spread out as far as they could go. The white light now engulfed everything. I could tell someone was in the light, but I couldn’t see them. And then I heard the most beautiful sound I’ve heard in my life. A woman’s voice came from the light in the sky. “I am always with you,” she said. And when I heard those words, tears instantly streamed down my cheeks, and I felt all the love in the universe flowing through me. I can’t begin to describe just how joyous and loved I felt. And then I woke up. But I woke up in that cheesy movie way when the character has a nightmare. I woke up gasping, much like I did in the dream when the light shot up out of my mouth. As soon as I sat up in bed, the only thought in my mind was to take a pregnancy test. And so I did, and previous experience was telling me that it was going to be negative. But my heart knew that this time was different. And then I did gaze upon the most beautiful sight—the faintest blue line crossing another blue line. The feeling that rushed over me is the closest thing I have experienced to what happened to me when I heard that voice in my dream. Of course my pregnancy wouldn’t last much longer. After my ultrasound, where they couldn’t find the gestational sac in my uterus and they told me that my levels weren’t where they should be, I went to Mass. I prayed harder than I’ve ever prayed in my life. I begged Mary to watch over my baby. I begged her to watch over me and to help my body be strong. That night was my first trip to the ER, where they discovered that my pregnancy was ectopic. I’ve posted about my experience before, and as is with loss, I suffered the five stages of grief. I denied that my pregnancy was abnormal; I was angry at my body for letting it develop this way; I bargained, hoping desperately that I would fall pregnant after the methotrexate wore off safely; severe depression clouded over me for the next year, and it still does sometimes. It took a while for me to grasp acceptance. I was thankful to avoid tubal rupture and come out with both tubes intact, because there are others who experienced tubal pregnancies who weren’t as fortunate. Some died as a result. And I was confused. I know that prayer isn’t transactional in nature, but at the time I was hurt that God had not saved my baby. But I was thankful to the Lord and his Blessed Mother for watching over me. After everything I experienced, I knew that the voice I heard in my dream was that of Mary. She knew that everything that would happen to me after the dream would be the most difficult time of my life, and she wanted me to know that she is always with me. I have no other explanation. I’ve held on to this dream, certain that Mary will come to me when I finally become pregnant again. Instead, I saw, felt, and sensed her presence in other ways. A couple of months before my grandmother passed away last year, I was visiting my best friend Amber. I confided in her my constant dread that my grandma wasn’t going to be around forever. I told her that it was all I could think about, and how I was worried that I wouldn’t see her again after moving to Florida. As we
Can I be honest for a moment?
For your TL;DR needs, have a depiction of the overall sentiment of this post. Let me just start by saying that this isn’t me asking for advice. Let me tack on another disclaimer to the above disclaimer that this isn’t me being rude. I hear your well wishes, your prayers, your assertions that God’s will be done. And I’m not upset when I hear them; they are very appreciated. Please understand this from my point of view. Some days, I’m okay and happy. Even though I miss my family, my home, like crazy each and every day, we’re doing good. Seriously—we both have good jobs, we have food in our pantry, a roof over our heads, a warm bed to sleep in, two pups to cuddle, etc, etc. Some days, most days, I ache. It seems so easy for everyone else. Yet the countless forums and subreddits I stalk tell me otherwise. I should count my lucky stars I don’t have a need for hormone therapy or IUI or IVF treatments. Yet. And then I always find myself stuck in the middle, no matter what. No surprise/accident baby. (“At least you get to plan ahead.”) No decade-long struggle. (“It could be worse.”) I know it could be worse because the worst has already happened. I’ve always had the sneaking suspicion that bringing a child into the world was not going to be easy. And it makes me sad-laugh because I’m constantly telling my husband that his negativity exhausts me. “You know it really drains me sometimes hearing you complain so much about every little thing,” I’ll tell him. And yet this is how I’ve gotten about this whole “trying” thing. This is what loss has done to me. I can’t be hopeful. I can’t be calm. I can’t relax. I can’t “just stop trying”, that’s the exact opposite of how this works. I’m hungry to once again feel the joy that stupid little blue line brought me. I’m longing to love our little someone with everything I am. I know it’s selfish of me to want and want and want and want and want and want when so many people have less. But I’m still allowed to be sad. “If you have sex, you’ll get pregnant,” that’s what we’re told. Who knew making a baby would be this hard? Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest. It gets lonely all the way over here, especially with matters such as this. Like I said, most days I’m fine. But today is October 15th—Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Today, as well as every day, I hold our little Micah in my heart. It’s been nearly three years since my loss and, as you can see, some days it’s okay. But most days, the ache wins.
3 DIY Moana costumes for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party!
Keep reading below for a step-by-step guide on how I made each Moana costume, complete with pictures r/restofthef-ingowl would be proud of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe Moana costumes are an overrated choice by now, but look at my goddaughter Sophia in the eyes and TELL HER she doesn’t make a perfect Moana! The hair, the brownness, the hair, the fearlessness, the HAIR.. She’s perfect! And because her mommy gave her life, I convinced her to go dressed as Te Fiti, goddess with the power to create life itself<3 When we talked about what she should wear, I decided that any old flower crown just wouldn’t cut it for a Halloween party at the most magical place on earth. So I made her Te Fiti-themed ears just for the occasion! So when I surprised Amber with the ears on FaceTime, Sophia’s response was (and I quote): “Whaaaat aboooout myyyyyyyyyyyyyy crooowwwnnn????????” And well that just broke my heart so I made a special Moana-style flower crown just for her! As for me, I really wanted to go as Tamatoa for my love of his song “Shiny” and also Jemaine Clement in general. I just didn’t want to make it too complicated, especially considering we’d be running around a theme park with a 3-year-old. So I ordered this shirt from Etsy, glued his face onto a baseball cap (inspired by this pin), and crafted a glitzy “shell”*** that the crab himself would surely add to his dazzling dungeon. Since this post is already gearing up to be monstrous enough for Lalotai, I’ll post a video of our night at MNSSHP separately. This was Sophia’s first time EVER at Disney World, so I wanted to make sure I captured the day as perfectly as I’d captured her mommy’s first visit! I really struggled to find an easy guide to make each of these things online, so I wanted to share how I personally made them, because I doubt Moana is going to be unpopular anytime soon 🙂 Moana’s flower crown I’ll start with the easiest one. I eyeballed this picture when I perused Google for a kid version of Moana’s lovely flower crown. Honestly, Sophia wasn’t a huge fan of wearing this while we were at the park. Don’t get me wrong—it held up completely fine and she adored it, she just got annoyed with it being on her head, so this would probably work better for older kids. Supplies: green ribbon green felt pink felt hot pink pom poms scissors your choice of adhesive (I used hot glue) I wasn’t confident with my freehand leaf and flower-drawing skills, and I wanted them to be as uniform as possible, so I traced the shapes onto paper. Then I cut those shapes out and traced the outline onto the felt using a marker. Don’t worry about cutting the marker outline completely off– you can just glue that side facing down! I’m sure there was a more efficient way to do this, but once I traced the shape onto the felt, I folded the felt sheet in half to cut two shapes out at once. Use whatever method you want to cut out the green leaves and the pink flowers. I ended up using 30 leaves and eight flowers. Depending on the size of whoever’s head this is going on, you may need less or more. Measure the circumference of said person’s noggin and add 10 inches to that length. This is so that there’s enough extra ribbon left to tie into a knot. For example, Sophia’s head measured 20.5 inches so I rounded up and cut 31 inches of ribbon. Now it’s time to glue the shapes onto the ribbon. Put a dot of your favorite glue on the bottom of a leaf shape, measure the ribbon’s halfway point, and press the leaf onto the dead center of the ribbon. The order I glued the leaves was skinny side up, then the next one on top of it, slightly overlapping with the skinny side down. You can choose how far apart you want them, but this is how I did it. (Looking at pictures probably makes more sense than me describing it…) I layered two flower shapes on top of each other to create some dimension, leaving four flowers visible on the finished headband. Once those were glued together, I glued them as evenly spaced as I could on top of the finished leaves. Lastly, glue a hot pink pom pom onto the center of each flower. I wish I would have gotten larger pom poms, but the pack these came in was only 99 cents at Michaels, and I didn’t want to buy more than I needed for larger pom poms… Besides, I think they look pretty cute! Tamatoa’s shiny shell I almost gave up on this project to order a gold sequin backpack online (which would have been perfect), but I just couldn’t find an affordable one. This video inspired me that the project was simple enough not to abandon. Supplies: cardboard twine foil gold metallic finish spray paint decorative sea shells old jewelry, beads, etc. random shiny things glitter spray adhesive of your choice (use something stronger than hot glue!) Cut the best circle you can out of cardboard. I made mine with a 15-inch diameter to fit my back. (I screwed up and did this after I covered it with foil, oops!) Punch four holes into the circle like so. Now you’ve got to decide the left/right and top/bottom of the circle. Designate the holes as top-left/bottom-left and top-right/bottom-right. (This is probably so confusing but bear with me.) Cut a piece of twine as long as you want the strap to be around your shoulder. In my case, it was 30 inches for a comfortable fit and enough room to take it off without breaking. Poke one end of the cut twine through the top-left hole and tie it into a knot so it doesn’t fall out. To secure it even further, glue the knot into the hole. Repeat this process with the
Adopting a second dog: the transition
On July 21, we adopted a second dog and became a little family of four! In case we’re not friends on Facebook, this little lady is Molly Louise. We adopted her from the Pet Alliance of Greater Orlando. It’s funny because I initially began volunteering there in an attempt to quell my puppy fever. I figured that playing with dogs without the responsibility of owning them would satisfy my need to add another dog to our family. But alas, this only fanned the flame. You see, here in Orange County, there’s PAGO and right across the street is Orange County Animal Services. PAGO is privately-owned and only takes owner surrenders, whereas OCAS has to take any and all animals since they’re a government facility. So it became a habit of mine to browse both shelters’ adoptable pets online on a daily basis. There were so many potential doggies we both wanted to adopt, but the timing was always off. At one point, we decided that it would be best if we just became foster parents for a while. That way, we’d still be helping an animal even though we wouldn’t get to keep it. We were actually planning on attending a puppy foster orientation, but the apartment tour we were on ran longer than we expected. So I asked Anthony if he wanted to go to the shelters anyway to check out the dogs and he shrugged, sure. We ended up meeting with two dogs at PAGO that we had seen online. I really wanted to meet with a dog named Ariel because she was right at the top of the alphabetical list every time I opened the adoptable dogs page for the past month. I had grown fond of that face and wanted to see how she was in person. She was indeed just as cute, but the most precious part came when we got to meet her. I never wanted to make a decision about adopting a dog without my husband. I wanted to fall in love with the dog together and decide together. So when Ariel excitedly bounded into the room, she instantly jumped into Anthony’s arms and snuggled. She was so sweet and cute and she completely stole our hearts. We were told that she was heartworm positive, but PAGO sponsors the treatment and she would have to be on strict rest until treatment is over. This is absolutely no problem considering we’re pretty sedentary people. Heck, Minnie plops all day long. So we tried to set up a meet-and-greet between Ariel and Minnie, but we were told they don’t do them on the weekends, so we said we were just going to go home and ruminate. The next morning, the very first thing Anthony said upon waking up was that he was thinking about Ariel. I was like, “Okay that’s it, we’re going to get her.” And that’s exactly what we did. We burst through the door and announced that we were there to adopt Ariel. And so they scheduled her heartworm treatment for the next few months, administered some last-minute vaccines, and then she was ours. And because I have a Harry Potter naming policy, we decided that her name was henceforth Molly! I was really nervous about introducing her to Minnie since bigger dogs make her a little nervous. She’s only about 10 lbs bigger and she’s in no way a large dog, but she’s still bigger than Minnie. So when they met, they just sniffed each other and Molly was quite excited. But she didn’t act standoffish, so I took it as a good sign. According to paperwork filled out by her previous owner, the only dog she knew was her brother, and they lived outside for three years. It was no wonder she had heartworms… But when we let her sniff around our room, she made her bed in ours as if she was always an inside dog. Molly looked right at home and it was the sweetest thing. She’s such a gentle sweetheart, and I didn’t understand how anyone could give her up. But at the same time, I was having trouble coming to terms with the fact that she needed to learn some manners. She didn’t know any basic commands and she is a very strong puller on a leash. Every day for the next two weeks, I became severely overwhelmed. I was convinced that this was the worst decision we ever made. We should have taken more time to think about it. We don’t have time to take care of two dogs. We don’t have room in our apartment for two dogs. We can’t afford more vet bills. When we move to a new apartment or house, we can’t apply to places with breed restrictions, seriously limiting our options. The worries kept piling on and on, and I cried nearly every day. I felt that someone else could take better care of her. I truly felt that we were extremely rash in our decision and I desperately wanted to give her back to PAGO. But my poor husband, always dealing with my dramatic tendencies, refused. He made me feel incredibly guilty, reminding me that I begged him to adopt her, and asking me if I really just wanted to throw her away. Of course I didn’t, I said. But I really thought that we just weren’t the right parents for her. I only calmed down when I realized that we could have her trained. Sure, it’s going to take time and money, but the results will be worth it. And then she snapped at someone and their dog. It didn’t worry me at first because it was really the other dog’s fault. The dog saw Molly in the distance and really wanted to come meet her, so the owner indulged and walked toward us. As the two approached each other, the dog jolted to the side at the last second and Molly snarled and gave such an ugly bark. I
Elation to Grief: The Story of My First Pregnancy
2/5/2016 On Wednesday, January 20th, 2016 at around 6:15 in the morning, I found out that I was pregnant. Was that vertical blue line actually there?? Was that REALLY a positive pregnancy test I had just rested my tired eyes on? My heart leapt out of my body, my knees gave and I sank to the ground, and I erupted into the happiest tears I have ever cried. Three years ago, I was worried that my body was just so messed up that I would be cursed with infertility for the rest of my childbearing years, and I would never get to look into the eyes of my beloved children. That affirming pee-stick on my bathroom sink was telling me that in less than a year, I would be a mother. I would finally be who I know in my heart I was always meant to be. In those few seconds, I thought of the rest of my pregnancy, giving birth, cradling someone that looks like me and the love of my life in my arms and never ever letting go. How did Anthony react? Well, let me just say that when I imagined telling my beloved that he would be a father, I had all these cute scenarios planned. But in the heat of the moment, I weepily asked him not to be scared before I presented him with the positive test. He pulled me in as I began to cry again, and said, “We’re going to be okay.” I knew he was scared anyway. But he also knew what this meant for me and for us, so I’m glad that he tried to show me that he was happy. This is one of the endless reasons I love him. So, I resolved to tell my parents as soon as possible. I knew that they wouldn’t be too upset and I wanted to have them for support. Telling his parents would have to wait because we thought they would be a little upset before they could be happy, so we decided to wait until we got pictures from our first ultrasound. Either way it would be a long time before we saw them next. My estimated due date would be September 23, which is my mom’s birthday and the day after my future mother-in-law’s birthday. I whipped up a cute little design on the computer and made this adorable onesie. I’d present my parents with this and the pregnancy test, and his parents would get the onesie with ultrasound pictures. I went over to my parents’ house that weekend. Before I got there, I wanted to pick up a few more pregnancy tests to see if the line would get darker. I’m a very anxious person and I figured that if they got darker, my mind would be put at ease. So (TMI warning) I went to the restroom before I picked up the tests, and when I wiped, there was a good amount of bright red blood. I instantly panicked. Now, I had been spotting brown since the day before I found out, which I figured was normal, but still. I called my best friend (who bled plenty of times when she was pregnant only to give birth to a beautiful, healthy girl) for reassurance. She did her best to calm me down and told me that it was probably just my body getting rid of the last of my old blood. The whole day, I was confident and excited to tell my parents. When my dad answered the door? Not so much. My heart raced as I asked my mom to join my dad in the study. I shakily handed her a small, purple gift bag and told her, “Anthony and I got you an early birthday present.” My mom replied, “Birthday?????” My dad added, “Why so early??” I asked her to open the larger bundle in the bag. She unwrapped it to reveal the little onesie, and as she read it, she started squealing and crying and she showed my dad what it said. “You’re gonna be a grandma?” he laughed as he stood to hug me. My mom opened the smaller bundle, which had the test in it, so she continued to squeal and they both huddled around me while I cried. I shared my concerns about the bleeding with them and they, of course, told me not to stress. This was easier said than done since the bleeding didn’t really stop that weekend. It was never strong enough to be a flow, and it only showed up when I wiped. Otherwise, I spotted brown for most of that weekend. When I got back home, I managed to get an appointment scheduled for Monday. I had an ultrasound and blood work done. The ultrasound absolutely shattered me. The doctor couldn’t find anything in my uterus, and only found my cyst in my tube and another cyst in my ovary. They insisted that I was probably too early and the embryo would be way too little to see if it had even formed yet. I went home and cried for the rest of the day. I cried harder when I got a call saying that my levels put me at around 2-3 weeks, because that just didn’t make any sense to me. I was sure I was miscarrying at this point, which my doctor said I should be prepared to deal with. Two days later, I got more blood drawn and I got happier news back: my levels were going up, but not as much as they would have liked. I had another ultrasound and more blood work scheduled for the following Monday. I didn’t make it to then. Sunday night, Jan. 31, I had the most severe cramps I had ever had in my entire life. It got to the point where I couldn’t get comfortable no matter what I did. I felt extremely bloated, and when I walked, I couldn’t put weight on my right
